Speaking with your soon-to-be fiancé(e)’s parents and asking for your partner’s hand in marriage is a tradition that can be both relevant and a defining moment in your relationship. Does modern woman not want a dower or maintenance? Indeed, the Prophet stated: 'the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.' Whether you think of it as a trend, a tradition, or just a nod to the days of antiquity when women needed their father's … The cause of woman’s being deprived of inheritance. Nature has created man a means of approach, love and solicitation and woman a source of attraction and being loved. If the original things do not exist, that side will be entitled to the value of the gifts which can normally be preserved, excepting the gifts that have perished through no fault of the other side”. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. You have to be thankful for her dad in some ways, since a woman tend to look up at his father’s a lot and wanting to marry someone like him. It is at the root of the proposal for the annulment of dower (mahr) and maintenance of the wife (nafaqah), so we shall fully discuss it with the subject of mahr and nafaqah in its proper place. As a matter of fact, none of these objections are relevant. IMPORTANT : All content hosted on Al-Islam.org is solely for non-commercial purposes and with the permission of original copyright holders. August 15, 2002 There are traditions regarding asking the father of one’s beloved for her hand in marriage; however, these are almost ancient history at this point. Prohibition by the Caliph of fixed-term marriage: Part Three: Woman and Her Social Independence. Man is instinctively disposed to seek and ask, and woman is instinctively disposed to display herself. This Article, because the stress is on the word “deceived”, and this is suggestive of the basic intention of the Article, is commonly known as the rule of “deception.”. While for a woman, who aspires to be the object of affection, the beloved, the adored one, to submit to the heart of a man who will govern her existence, it is repugnant for her to invite a man to be her spouse, and, if it happens that her request is turned down, to go in search of another man. There are many steps to get through before two people get married and each of them makes her heart flutter. I'm Michelle Devani and would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my site. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you … In social laws, expressions like this create a very bad and distasteful psychological effect: the above mini definitions in the laws of marriage especially have an effect upon the relations between men and women, and give man the position of master and owner and woman the status of something owned or of a slave. It means you not only love her but you also love her family and want to be welcomed there. 1. ^^^^^ Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. In islam why does men have upper hand in a marriage? The attachment of the Iranian nation to religion. In Islam, marriage is a legal contract between a man and a woman. Divorce among Muslims is a much-discussed and argued topic. The poet in spite of all manliness and virility, pays homage, and gives vent to feelings of admiration before the charms and beauties of women and admits to have fallen in love with them, while they are heedless and take no notice of him. But if you feel that you should not be able to deal justly, then only one or what your right hand possesses.That would be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice." He will give you his blessing 100 percent for sure. You will need to follow the instructions in that message in order to gain full access to the site. On the other hand, if Allah facilitates the process, then that is a sign for you to pursue it. Woman as a part of the share of inheritance: Woman’s inheritance in the Sassanid period in Iran: The share of women in inheritance according to Islam: An objection by the worshippers of the west: The objection of atheists at the beginning of Islam about inheritance: The environment in divorce-infected America. If a person dreams that he is marrying his mother, sister or any such person with whom marriage is forbidden is Islam-and such a dream is seen in any of the sacred months of Thil-Qa’dah, Thil-Hijjah, Muiharram or Rajab-it means he will proceed to Makkah and Madeenah. The Holy Prophet gave az- Zahra, his daughter full freedom in choosing a husband: The Islamic movement in favour of women was entirely independence: A man is a slave of his passions and a woman is a captive of her lovingness: The secret of the dynamism and flexibility of Islamic law. So that the right way on How to Propose Someone you like is with considering her father as an important person as well. Attention to essence and meaning as opposed to shape and form: A permanent law for a permanent requirement and a variable law for a varying requirement: It does not matter what you wear, as long as you do not imitate slavishly: The question of “ahamm wa muhimm” (that which is more important and that which is significant), Part Five: The Human Status of Woman in the Quran, The particular philosophy of Islam concerning family rights, The status of woman in the world-view of Islam. An advantage to women in financial matters: The purpose of propaganda against maintenance. He is the first man she knew and the first one she fell in love with. Various results following from the phenomenon of the excess in the number of women: Disadvantages and shortcomings in Polygyny. Is it the nature of man to be polygynous? I think that if you dont feel happy and satisfied in the marriage you have the right to ask for Talaq. From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal and has requested conjugality from her. And her height suggest that she will not live long”. To respect her father, who has been her protector the whole time ever since she was born, you don’t have to hesitate whether should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. Before you pop the question to the love of your life, consider asking her father for her hand in marriage. After such subtle psychological observations, the said proposer puts forward the draft of an article to do with asking the hand of a woman in marriage. A dad usually sees the Signs of Good Husband Material to Marry better than his own daughter. As you read in my case, I followed the tradition of proposing myself … In many Muslim countries, relatives of prospective partners often visit to check the person out! My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. You don’t need to ask should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. If you are afraid to ask his permission for marriage because you worry he might turn you down, it’s a big wrong idea. Personally, I would not be bound in a marriage that I do not feel happy in and live life like that. It serves as a powerful opportunity of emotionally relating on a deeply personal level with the people who are about to become a new and important part of your family circle. Love after marriage in Islam is … 1 Mahr. Assalamu alaikum brother and sisters My mother recently decided to ask a girl’s hand in marriage for me. As an adult, you feel like you have the responsibility in your life and start to neglect the parents’ role in life. Dad is Every Daughter First Love. © iStockphoto.com /efenzi. If the Muslim man would ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage from the father of the girl, it is very likely that he will not be given a chance to marry. A father would never turn down a proposal if you are a nice guy. I think the best way to start off the conversation … As we have mentioned, in the law of creation man is created as a source of solicitation and approach, and is the suitor, while woman is source of what attracts and responds. A lot of men think they are doing women a favor by asking for her hand in marriage, but lets think about this: Changes her home, Leaves her family, Moves in with you, Builds a home with you, Gets pregnant for you, Pregnancy changes her body, She gets fat, Almost gives up in the labor room due to the unbearable pains of child birth, Asking the bride's father for her hand in marriage shows respect. Islam permits the dissolution of marriage for a number of … So, the Civil Law not only did not overlook the losses sustained in connection with engagement (which according to the writer of the proposals are realized because of the engagement itself), but it has incorporated it in two Articles. Any other use of the hosted content, such as for financial gain, requires express approval from the copyright owners. When planning for marriage, one has to ask himself who he should marry. Hadiths: The Marriage Process in Islam by Shaad Ahmed. Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made man the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth. The only result of engagement that has been acknowledged is that the party violating the engagement should return the gifts or their value to the party that presented them, whereas the main expenses which the individual must sustain in an engagement are other expenses, for example the expenses of the engagement celebrations, inviting guests and things connected with this. Mahr (dowry) is a marriage gift from the bridegroom to his bride, which becomes her exclusive property and right. The function entrusted to the female is to display her attractions, to invite attention with due self-control and restraint, and thus capture the heart of the rougher sex and accept the male by the tender consent of his heart, and thus render him willingly to carry out her commands. Is it a question of symmetry or one of imperfection and perfection? Having a good relationship with her family leads to a happy marriage as well. Incident - Asking to marry a Stout and Black Women Dream Explanation — For her black colour suggest that she is well to do. How Can I Compromise? In his, book he put in an extensive chapter wherein he wrote, ‘How on earth is it possible for something to take place without any reason or motivation?’ But eventually it was disclosed to him that for years he had been misreading that Article of the Law and erroneously taking it to mean what it did not and he then admitted that the real reading was “without reasonable grounds”. Marriage is based on love and happiness. I am not a firm believer in these things but over years many people who know reading hands pointed out that I do not have a marriage line on my hand and I won't get married by choice. Those proposals for the Civil Law start in the subject of proposal and engagement. For a woman, marriage is a big step in life. Allah mentions most of the categories of women involved in this question in the following verses, (which means): "And do not marry those [women] whom your fathers married, except what has already occurred. What is prescribed in sharee’ah is for the suitor to see the woman to whom he wants to propose marriage, because of the report narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to … In case the original articles no longer exist their value must be returned, unless the gifts, through no fault of the party concerned, have perished. Asalaamu alaikum! Many people no longer asking a dad’s permission when they’re going to marry his daughter. In pursuance of this conception, Article 1034, the opening article of the section on marriage and divorce has been drawn up in the following way: ‘Article 1034. Islam Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for Muslims, experts in Islam, and those interested in learning more about Islam. The tenderness of her body thus finds its compensation in comparison with the strength of man. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend's Dad for Her Hand in Marriage. However, in most cases, the tradition has become more modern by not only asking for her father’s blessing but also her mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or step-parents. The addition of the condition ‘without any reasonable grounds’, is an irrelevant presumption of Mr. Mahdavi’s. You really need to be her father’s best friend. It is in this Article that the condition of ‘without reasonable grounds’ is stipulated. 3. The Quran states that it is the bridgeroom who should give his bride-to-be a gift or sum of money: "And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously." Go to him and build a strong relationship: it’s going to benefit you a lot. I have seen only photos of the girl and have only been told about her personality. This has been the greatest of factors in safe-guarding the prestige and honor of women. We ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam things. Now the fact is that usually at the time of the engagement the two parties do not give each other things for the purposes of the marriage, but undergo considerably heavy outlay for the engagement itself. I hope you find what you're looking for. Hafiz is sorry that he has nothing to shower over the beauties to attract them to him. It is contrary to the respect and honor of a woman to run after a man and woo him, while for a man it is manly that he should approach and solicit a woman for this purpose even if he gets a reply in the negative. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If a man comes for your daughter’s hand in marriage, and you see nothing wrong with his character and religion, marry your daughter to him.” He is her protector since day one and have been doing everything for her to keep her happy. (Sahih al Bukhari) ♣ What should the amount of the dowry (Mahr) be? It leaves a good mark in her father’s eye. Long before you meet him, there are one person who has an absolute ownership of herself: her dad. Talking to Your Girlfriend’s Parents Plan what you're going to say. Some tradition needs to be kept alive. He is a man too, right? How to Ask Her Father for Her Hand in Marriage. This is what we meant when we remarked that ‘these people, designing to improve her eyebrows have actually deprived the poor woman of her eyesight.’. The west is involved in a basic contradiction about man: The west has forgotten both itself and its God: Part Six: The Natural Basis of Family Rights, The connection between natural rights and the direction in which nature moves, Part Seven: The Differences Between Woman and Man. This is a good question to ask even if you are meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of marriage from an Islamic perspective. The Muslims Wedding Tradition including asking for the father’s blessing during the wedding ceremony, symbolizing that afterwards the woman has become the husband’s responsibility. Since it’s something impossible to ask to her mother, who else can help you better than her own dad? Laws based on the equality of man and woman as far as the duty and civility of proposing are concerned act against the woman and respect for her and her honor; equality is outwardly in the interest of man, and works, in fact, against both of them. It is evident that although the Article does not contain any order nor assign any obligation, marriage has nevertheless been brought up for consideration as the ‘taking of a wife’ by man. How to Ask for Her Hand in Marriage If you live close by, the easiest thing to do is to call and ask if you can stop by for a moment as you have something to ask them. It is a man’s instinct to make the approach and ask, and a woman’s, instinct to be a source of attraction and act with self-restraint: Man seeks union with woman, not to enslave her: The custom of asking the hand of woman in marriage is a very safe and wise way of safeguarding the honour and prestige of a woman: Errors by the writer of the forty articles in the Civil Law:], Contemporary life and fixed-term marriage. Man is desirous of union with woman, not in need of making her his slave. Both the groom and the bride are to consent to the marriage of their own free wills. You can learn some things from him about marriage and find anything new about your girlfriend. A lot of father become sad when their daughter is going to get married, worrying whether she would be happy or not. Our legislator did not loose sight of the reactionary and inhuman attitude in these few simple selections of the law (relating to proposal and engagement) whereby man as such as the principal figure and woman the secondary. And you are indeed a nice guy, seeing how brave you are to talk to her father about marriage. Can one really considerate an insult to the female sex when Hafiz our sweet-tongued poet, composed these lines: Shiraz is the home of ruby lips and the mine of beauty; I am a penniless jeweler, and it makes me anxious.It is a town full of beckoning glances and beauty in all directions; But I have nothing, otherwise I avoid be the buyer of all. A dad is someone who will never let any drop of tears comes down his daughter’s eyes so he wants to make sure that she is marrying a right man. The second point that must be mentioned in collection with this chapter is that Mr. Mahdavi, the writer of the forty proposals1 writes: According to Article 1037, if either of the persons engaged in marriage turns down the marriage undertaking without any Sound reason, the gifts that the opposite side, their parents or any third person, have presented in anticipation of the consummation of the marriage, should be returned. Whereas, as a rule, if one party turns down the marriage agreement ‘on reasonable grounds’ also, they should, on, being asked by the other side, at least return the original articles presented as gifts by the other side. According to this Article, the defaulting party is responsible not only for the expenses of the other party but also for the expenses of the parents and others. William James, the well-known American philosopher, is of the opinion that the delicate self-control of women is not instinctive but rather that the daughters of Eve, in their long history, have learnt that their honor and prestige do not lie in going after a man and in making themselves commonplace, but in keeping themselves aloof beyond the reach of man; women have learnt this lesson over the long span of history, and they have passed this knowledge on to their daughters. And Allaah … Now it can be seen how far the best of her distinctions, her honor and respect is blemished in the name of women’s rights. (9 Awesome Hints), 11 Signs That He Is Going To Leave His Wife For You, How To Know When Your Aries Man Misses You (9 Obvious Ways), Reasons Your Boyfriend Should Be Your Biggest Fan. It’s why he wants to see you. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. Asking your sweetheart's father for her hand in marriage is an act that means different things to different people. Prayer of Need “Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. She always has many lovable Ways to Tell Your Dad You Love Him. Should we be independent or follow the west? The Prophet (sallallahu alaihe wasallam) stated, ” A … Plan how you wish to propose. The Declaration of Human Rights is philosophy and not law: Philosophy cannot be proved by questionnaires, A glance at the history of women’s rights in Europe, The dignity and the rights of human beings, Important points in the preamble to the Declaration of Human Rights, The decline and fall of the human being in western philosophy. Her father wants to see your sincerity, how far you’re committed to marry her. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. Any expenditure incurred in its performance was quite minimal, and not a burden on either family. Whatever the Civil Law has cited in support of these Articles is all based upon precepts that are deduced from general Islamic beliefs. Asking your girlfriend’s parents for … In the modern days, fathers usually gives their blessing when a man is proposing for her daughter especially when the two have been dating for a while. Because when you ask him to marry his daughter, it’s more like notification to him. In some culture, such as the Concept of Taaruf in Islam, asking the father’s hand for marriage become one of the most important point in marriage. Ask yourself: Why am I getting married. I begin my discussion about the proposed forty articles from the very point they themselves begin. MARRIAGE IN ISLAM. Article No.1036 of the Civil Law contains the following: ‘If anyone of the engaged persons breaks up the intended marriage ‘without reasonable grounds’ and in case the other side, or the parents or other persons, were deceived into believing that the marriage would take place and incurred expenses, the side which turned down the marriage agreement must defray the expenses incurred by the other side, but such damages are restricted to the expenses that are customary. This sounds cliché but this is true: a dad is the first love of every … Islamic teachings: Muslims believe that character and piety are very important when choosing a partner. However, there are two points here which cannot be waived aside. Welcome! Other animals also behave like this. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam. For example, if Allah puts difficulty upon difficulty in any attempts to get to know this young man for marriage, then please take heed and let this go. Unrecognized Email or Password, please try again. Even though it sounds traditional, a father’s blessing is not something someone can ignore. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend How Many Guys She Has Slept With, Ways To Make An Aquarius Woman Obsessed With You And Will Love You Endlessly, How Young Muslims Define Halal Dating for Themselves Based on Islam Laws, 15 Reasons Why You Should Not Date In High School (#6 Is Important). The custom of asking the hand of woman in marriage is a very safe and wise way of safeguarding the honour and prestige of a woman: As we have mentioned, in the law of creation man is created as a source of solicitation and approach, and is the suitor, while woman is … One is the natural advantage that has been given to woman and the other is the natural obligation which man is bound to fulfill. Reciprocal differences in the feelings of men and women towards each other: The dower in the Islamic system of rights: European love-affairs are more natural than their marriages: The customs of the pre-Islamic period that that were abolished by Islam: The repression of European women up to the second half of the nineteenth century: Why did Europe suddenly grant financial independence? No father will ever let her daughter to suffer after she gets married. It is always the function of the male to present himself impatiently and earnestly before the female. A man should not ask for the hand of a girl who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, unless the first suitor gives her up, or allows him to ask for her hand. From the minute you’re praying to get married, considering someone seriously, living with someone and going through life together… And until you meet Allah together, pleased by Him for how He helped you, and well pleasing to Him. Selecting a Spouse: The first thing we should look for when marrying is how committed the person is to Islam. In 2017 I decided it was about time I started a blog on the topic, and since then more than 2 million people worldwide have read my relationship advice. Not that it’s traditional and old fashioned, you have to see several reasons why asking the dad’s permission matters. It’s clear from the Koran that Islam holds a generally positive view of marriage, but the relevant law has always allowed for the possibility of divorce. Is the provision of fixed-term marriage a license for promiscuity? It will never get old. In Islam, the dowry does not exist and is in fact, forbidden. As you would take her from somebody else, you must “ask” him nicely, sort of. ... Browse other questions tagged quran hadith nikah women sex or ask your own question. It is strange how a person who is incapable or comprehending the meaning of a few simple articles of the Civil Law (in spite of the fact that for years his occupation had been the study of these Articles, and that, as a specialist in the knowledge of these laws, he had been a burden on the budget of the country), can cherish the wish to change the revealed law which involves thousands of considerations and fine points. When you propose marriage, it is o.k. Modern youth, the time of puberty, and the onset of textual activity: Monasticism for a fixed period, sexual communism, or fixed-term marriage: Fixed-Term marriage and the problem of the harem. I would add that another objection can also be made against this Article, and that is that the Article mentions that if ‘without any reasonable cause’ either of the parties breaks up the marriage agreement, the defaulting side should return the original articles it received as gifts from the other side or their cost. (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255). A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2021. It is strange that it should be questioned why the Civil Law uses a language suggestive of the meaning that man is the one who asks the woman. In other wards, the specific text and command from Islam itself about most of them is not cited. Marriage is part of faith and it is part of the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. As you see Mr. Mahdavi’s objection to this article of the law is that “engagement” is not considered to carry legal obligation and be a guarantee of performance. Even when it sounds old fashioned and nobody really do it anymore right now, it has many valuable meaning behind. Asking her father to marry her means you also consider him as an important person in your girlfriend’s life and how you respect him for that. Is the Declaration of Human Rights an insult to woman? This is the best security in the maintenance of balance and proportion in their life together. The Prophet accepts the marriage of multiple wives but only if the husband's duties will not falter as a result Since a dad’s permission means a lot for a woman, you must have find the answer should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage. It has also not been mentioned that up to five years ago, when Mr. Mahdavi was busy with the compilation of the book Payman-e-muqaddas ya Mithaq-e izdivaj (The Sacrament or the Pact of Marriage), he had been reading the above sentence “without reasonable ground” as “without any reason or motivation”. [duplicate] Ask Question Asked 2 years, 4 months ago. Asking your girlfriend’s dad for her hand to marry is more like a prior notification rather than asking for permission. It has always been an age-old tradition to ask for your significant other’s father for her hand in marriage. This is not the case with human being only. One of them is this. Last night I had a dream where a class mate (I am 16) had come over with his family to ask for my hand in marriage... and exactly a week before I had the same dream except the family of a family friend came over asking for my hand in marriage. These are the reasons that the draft of the Article put forward by the writer of the forty proposals to make woman share in the duty of proposing does not have any value and is injurious for the whole human race. Laws made by man, or, in other words, the legal precautions he employs, should safeguard this advantage for women and this obligation on man. Incidentally, this very error is one of the most serious ones. Is this derogatory to the position of women, or is it an expression or admiration and recognition of the greatest honor and of their value in hearts that are alive and sensitive? This is the best guarantee of her prestige and respect and the counteraction to her physical weakness as against the physical strength of man. Al-Islam.Org is solely for non-commercial purposes and with the permission of original copyright holders helping with! Herself: her dad social necessity the Sunnah of the dowry does not exist and is consequently a moral as. And live life like that these articles is all based upon precepts that are deduced from general beliefs! Never turn down a proposal if you are a nice guy s why he wants is that the articles to! And answer site for Muslims, Prophet Muhammad ( s ), Ahlul Bayt 2 years 4! Not something someone can ignore keep her happy, none of these articles is all based precepts! 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